How Fast Should I Reply the TEXT?
“If she reply fast, it would mean she is interested in talking with me. I don’t like waiting.” says A, an Egyptian student studying at Keio University. Like many other foreigners in Japan, A does not understand why it take so long for his most considerable Japanese friends to respond to his messages.
We are taught cultural differences in body language, in facial expression, but we are rarely informed on how we should text. We go by our crammed post-modern lives, without giving thoughts to the implicit meanings our texts emit. From emojis to reply speed, people varies in the way they communicate. Texting is a treasure trove for Misunderstanding.
Sitting across the table from A, a Japanese Keio student named explains his interpretation of the Japanese mind, “when you response quickly, the person receive the text will feel pressured to reply.” Therefore, some Japanese reply message purposely slow to avoid the other party from discomfort. Texting is like tennis, sending a message to another person is hitting the ball into other’s personal space and is causing the person trouble to hit the ball back.
One third year student studying at Keio University named Y H says he never thought there is a difference in texting habits and values for people of different cultures. Different values in reply speed is where most frustration between Japanese and non-Japanese communication occur. Y explains that to many Japanese, instant reply means “you are desperate or really bored”, granted that one should reply quickly in emergencies. Especially in dating, some Japanese people intentionally text really slow to get the guy’s attention. Y says “you don’t want to reply really fast, other person will thinking you are desperate.” Chemistry is created through slow texting. The anticipation and the uncertainty whether the person will or will not reply builds attraction and tension.
In a non-Japanese context, people reply as fast as possible to convey interests. An American exchange student believes for people in romantic relationship, instant reply is a must. Such is also the case in Egypt. “In my country, if one is talking with his fiancé, the guy doesn’t reply so fast, it means he doesn’t like her or he is cheating on her.” Says A. Therefore, some foreign person could interpret Japanese’s slow reply speed as a lack of interest, when in fact the Japanese person is interested. This miscommunication cause some foreign people to miss courtship signals in pursuing the Japanese counterparts.
The tension built through long waiting period is not only hard for foreigners to adapt, but also to some Japanese. Y recounts an extreme case of a friend who got so tired of “the psychological tension” in the wait for messages that he developed mental illness and needed medical help to get on social media again. “This is getting too intense,” Y remarks. The wait and the tension are hard for many people because when SNS simulates real life conversation. People generally would not stop talking to their acquittances midway through their conversation in a faced-to-face interaction, but they could stop replying to acquittances on social media anytime they wish.
Texting is a Minefield filled with Misunderstanding.
It is often easy for one to assume that everyone operates by the same texting rule. Studying the difference in texting etiquette among people from different culture and backgrounds helps one to realize that there are more than one set of value when it comes to SNS communication.
On top of that, people have different opinions on what emojis mean to them. To some Japanese, using emojis sparingly is an important perimeter of a person’s knowledge. Y says overusing emojis make text massages look cheap. He says “you can’t send emojis in every single text message. If you do that, you start looking unintelligent.” However, to other non-Japanese, emojis are vital vehicle to prevent misunderstanding. B says his friends think his messages have double meanings so he finally resorted to using emojis as often as possible in his messages to prevent miscommunication. In contrast, Y believes even Emojis cannot prevent misunderstanding because they cannot convey people’s true feelings accurately. He draws an example of the laughing face emoji that could carry multiple implications. It could be used for ironic purposes.
“In western culture, I feel there is a tendency if you don’t get a reply really fast from a western person, that means they are not interested in talking to you. But many Japanese people don’t know that, they don’t many chances to talk to western people,” says Y.
